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Hi everyone and happy Monday!

I hope you had a great weekend and those in the midwest are prepared to bundle up and huddle in this week with the coming snow storm! I hope everyone stays safe and warm. 

My message today comes from seeing a drawing by Charlie Mackesy, author of the book, “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.” As an ever-improving over-thinker, I admit I am constantly battling my desire to plan every detail in every situation, and also live in the knowledge that many circumstances are completely out of my control. Terrifying, right?

In Mackesy’s drawing below (and I’m paraphrasing some here), the boy is leading the horse through the woods feeling lost and says, “I can’t see my way through.”

The horse says, “Can you see to take the next step?”

The boy says, “Yes.”

Then, the horse says, “Just take that.”

And right there is beautiful simplicity. I don’t have to get to the end of it right now; all I need to take is one step at a time. 

So I challenge you this week (and beyond) if you are feeling lost, not to worry about what you need to do to get to the end, but to only focus on the next step. 

I haven’t done a Monday motivation email in a while. I hope everyone had a great holiday break and a happy New Year. I know there is so much sickness out there right now and it’s easy to get overwhelmed, so I hope you are taking time to take care of yourself and just go one day at a time. 

I thought I would give just a quick personal update. I switched departments over the break and am no longer planning events for Academic Affairs. I am now working in the First Year Advising Center as their Communications Coordinator. Though I will miss many aspects of my events role, I am excited to learn new skills and stretch myself in new ways. 

My family is still displaced because of the fire at our house in September. We are in a rental house, which is so much better than the hotel, and should be back in our house at the end of February. Fingers crossed. Here’s a short list of advice that I will share that I hope none of you ever need, but want to make it known on the chance anyone else ends up in the same unfortunate situation. 

• Take pictures of your house periodically. I went through right after the fire and photographed each room, each closet, and each cupboard. As much as the insurance company inventoried, I keep finding things that I see in pictures that aren’t on lists. Had everything been truly damaged in the fire, I would have no record of what we had. 
• Double check your insurance policy periodically to make sure you have enough coverage. 
• Everything takes longer than they say and costs more than you expect. Be prepared and be patient. 
• Lastly, never take for granted the comfort your “home” gives you. I have gone through many emotions during this process, but this surprised me. I always thought having the chores/projects of our house was a source of stress for me. In reality, I have found myself a little lost without the responsibility of having a place to take care of that is completely ours. 

I will leave you with a final thought on uncertainty, since every day seems to bring that feeling in some way or another to me. Breathe and be ok with not knowing all the answers. 

It’s been a while since I’ve written. You won’t get any excuses from me here. I was in a slump, plain and simple. Life does that to you now and then!

And that brings me to what I want to talk about today: excuses and responsibility. A few days ago, I had to have a discussion with my “big feeling” almost 9-year-old about responsibility and consequences. At his age, the consequences are usually very minor for poor decision making. But, learning how to handle responsibility now can come in handy when the consequences aren’t so minor in the future.

Storytime.

My son’s biggest struggle is forgetfulness. Over the Thanksgiving break, he left a book in his desk at school. It was overdue at the library, so I asked him to make sure he brought it home on Monday when he returned. Monday came, and he forgot. Tuesday came, and he forgot. On Tuesday night, my husband told him that if he forgot again, he would lose his iPad time for the rest of the week. Wednesday, he walked out of school without the book. My husband sent him back in to grab it, shaking his head. When my son got home and discovered that, in fact, his iPad time had been taken away, he was indignant.

“But dad, we are so busy during class, it’s hard to remember everything!”

 “But mom, it’s just a book. It’s not fair!”

 “I don’t understand why you guys are so mad at me just for a book!”

I had to explain to him that we weren’t mad at him at all, but when he knew the consequence of an action and ignored it, then he needed to face it. And also that it was our job as parents to make sure that he was prepared for the next grades where reminders won’t be handed out so easily. We also talked about different techniques on how to remember things, like the dry erase board he has in his locker, or the post-it notes we have on the counter. We’ll see how well the lesson stuck.

As we know, very little in adult life is as simple as a forgotten book. But the lesson is simple; lessons always are. Excuses don’t work.

Making excuses instead of taking one hundred percent responsibility for actions, thoughts, and goals are the hallmark of people who fail to succeed both in their professional lives and personal lives. People who take complete responsibility for their lives experience joy and control of circumstances. They make choices because they understand that they are responsible for their own lives.

No one can live your life for you. No matter how hard you try to blame others for the events of your life, each event is the result of choices you made and are making. Live every day as if what you do matters—because it does. Every choice you make; every action you take—matters. Your choices create the life you live. You matter. And, your thoughts matter, too. When you haven’t made a great choice, have that “parent” conversation with yourself where you say, “I’m not mad at you, but let’s do better next time.”

Hi everyone and happy Monday evening!

I have been fortunate to be taking a professional development course on leadership the past few months and the many facets that go along with being a great leader. Our last session was about motivation in ourselves and others. I wanted to share an aspect of the session on “feedback” that I think was truly beneficial to me, and I hope to use it often in both my personal and professional life. 

Have you received compliments like “you are a rock star!” or “you’re the best!”? Many of us shy away from accepting compliments, and one of the main reasons could be because the feedback wasn’t focused enough for you to believe it. 

Positive feedback should contain 3 components: 

1. Express your gratitude explicitly. 
2. Identify the specific behavior you are grateful for having received.
3. Call out the impact their behavior had to help build feelings of connection.

For example, if I was happy with something my son did for me I could say: 

• Eli, I really appreciate you helping clean up the leaves in the yard. It was a big job and it would have taken a lot longer without your help.  We were able to get it done before the rain because of you. 

I could have simply said, “Eli, you are the best!” Although I’m sure he would have appreciated the compliment, he wouldn’t have realized the impact of his actions and why I was so appreciative. In turn, he will be more likely to take on tasks where he knows he has an impact. 

So my suggestion for you this week is when you are appreciative of something someone has done, use the 3 components above on your recipient. You may or may not see a positive response right away, but I can guarantee it will make a huge difference in the recipient. 

Hello and happy Monday afternoon!

I’m sorry I missed last week. I hope you all are doing well!

Have you ever been stuck in a cycle of wishes? I wish it was Friday. I wish I could go on vacation. I wish I had more money. I wish this meeting would end. Or a cycle of whens? I will be happy when I get that promotion. I will be happy when I am able to fix up my house. I will be happy when this project is over. Everything will be better when (insert life scenario) happens. 

I’ll admit, I’ve been stuck more than once in one of these cycles and have tumbled around over and over. Imagine yourself somersaulting head over heels in a washing machine. It beats you up and drowns your spirit when you spend most of your time wishing you were doing something else. 

It’s time to never wish away another minute of your life. Sure, some minutes are unpleasant or boring. Some are incredibly difficult and draining. But if we spend our lives wishing, we will never experience the joy of simply being. We constantly hand over our happiness to future events. We clock-watch and believe a better life exists a few hours or a few days from now. It’s not about taking the joy out of looking forward to something, but it’s about being thankful for being alive now, even if you are three hours away from your favorite pasta leftovers you packed for lunch or eight days away from a well-needed trip to the tropics. Look forward, yes, but still look within. 

Have a great week!

Over the weekend I participated in a flash fiction writing challenge. You are given a genre, action and word that needs to be included, 24 hours to complete the challenge, and it needs to be under 250 words. Here was my challenge:

Genre: Romance
Action: Using a walking stick
Word: right

I have never done anything like this and it was a challenge for sure, but I enjoyed it. There are 5,486 writers participating in 115 groups with approximately 48 writers per group. Let’s see if I make it to the next round!

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With Each Tap

She turns the corner of the path and blinks as a brilliant ray of sunlight announces itself from behind a looming pine. Her walking stick taps along the worn cobbles, a well-timed beat that has slowed over the course of the 20 years since she’s needed it. Each tap reveals a memory of the making of this path.

Tap. 

Their first kiss on the stump of a now-rotting oak on her right.

Tap. 

After a midnight skinny-dip, cool beads of lake water dripping from his hair, twinkling in the moonlight, and falling onto her nose as he leans in to whisper “I love you” for the first time.

Tap. 

Directed by a note, she sees the glow of the emerald moss from flickering candles lighting the pathway. She finds him waiting at the end on one knee, not just with a ring, but with a promise to always walk with her. 

Tap. 

His voice as he quietly hums a lullaby next to her as she carries their son, his feather blonde hair lightly tickling her cheek as the breeze floats by. 

Tap. 

He smiles down crookedly, showing one dimple, as he lets out a mischievous roar and chases their daughter. 

Tap. 

Hand in hand as they find themselves alone once again, reintroducing themselves to each other, even though she knows every line in his face. 

Tap. 

The silence of his absent footsteps next to her echoes deafeningly. 

Tap. 

Tap.

Tap.

Her eyes still closed, she absorbs the warmth and smiles.  

Hi everyone and happy Tuesday!

I hope you all had a great weekend and Monday. I have been dealing with a sick kid at home for the last almost week, who is finally better (yay!), so I am a bit behind with everything. 

I don’t know about you, but right about this time of year, when the daylight gets shorter and shorter, along with the addition of more external stressors, I tend to lose a bit of energy and motivation. I’ve been looking into different ways to combat the seasonal slump that seems to creep in right after the sun and fun of summer, and the quote below stood out to me. 

Could it really be as simple as just *choosing* what to think about? Well…yes and no. I know that realizing when we are choosing to dwell on destructive thoughts is much easier said than done. But, with mindfulness, we can develop the ability to redirect ourselves when we get caught up in exaggerated thinking of things that we ultimately don’t have any control over.  Instead of letting our attention be consistently drawn to one or two things that we fear or dread, we can bring our attention to the resources and support we have available to us to deal with any challenges or events that may come our way. And with that, move along.

Now, and in the coming weeks, I hope you are able to catch your thoughts and choose one that is most beneficial to you and to those around you. It will help with your energy and your overall well-being. When you notice stress, instead of reacting, remember these are just moments that will come and go and what is important is how you show up.

Have a great week!

Hello and happy Monday afternoon!

I had a busy weekend filled with various events and gatherings with my family. As a self-titled “semi-friendly introvert,” I find small talk at events like these very challenging for me. I overthink what I am supposed to say, and if I’m saying too much or not enough. And what do I even do with my hands? After the fact, I re-play what I said to a person and wonder if it was really awkward, or clumsy, or if I offended them somehow. It’s pretty exhausting. Over the years, I have made a concerted effort to put myself in uncomfortable situations to work on my shyness and fear of public speaking. It’s helped, but I still struggle with this often. 

I saw this article last week and I thought it may help those of you like me with the dreaded possibility of small talk.  Stop Asking “How are you?” And even if you aren’t introverted and don’t struggle with this, I thought this article does a good job at reminding us that it’s all about the connection to each other that makes our experiences worthwhile. 

Try one of the suggestions listed in the article this week and see if it helps take your conversation in a different direction. Have a great week!

Kate

For those new on the blog, over 2 years ago I started writing a “Monday Motivation” email every week to a small group at work. A colleague encouraged me to take those emails and turn them into a blog. Thus, what you are reading now.

I know it’s pretty much almost Tuesday, but right now is the first opportunity I have had all day to sit down and have the luxury of a thought to myself. I could have probably used my commute home to think about what to write, but I took that opportunity to blast the radio in my car, sing at the top of my lungs, and block out ALL reality besides the notes and vibrations from my speakers for about 40 minutes. Time well-spent, in my opinion.

I love a good glass of wine — I will admit I am drinking one right now– and the quote below made me appreciate the complexity that went into making it. Likewise, every experience you have, both good and bad, deserves a place in the recipe that makes you. 

So be complex. Be bitter. Be sweet. Be inviting. Be not everyone’s favorite. Be the best part of someone’s day. Mix it all together — be you. 

Have a great week!
Kate

Occasionally I will pick a writing prompt and see where it takes me. This one took me to the kitchen of a relationship on an edge. Should I continue the story?? More writing prompts to come in the following weeks…

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She stood at the sink looking out the kitchen window, vaguely aware of the warm water splashing on her shirt as she mindlessly rinsed off a spoon. The sticky sweet August breeze floated through the open window, making the yellow and white check curtains dance quietly in front of her. She noticed a small tear in the lace at the bottom hem. The realization made her chuckle. It was her: faded, worn, torn, yet somehow still dancing. In the distance, she heard the train horn calling her.

She knew he was standing behind her before he said a word. She could still feel the heat radiating from his body from their fiery words said earlier and their feeble attempt to extinguish them with their bodies.

“Please don’t go,” he said, shattering the silence.

She looked down at the clean spoon in her hand, then the wet oval on her gray t-shirt over her stomach, and turned to face him.

“I’m empty. I can’t stay here anymore,” she said flatly. “Sam, you deserve someone who can give you what you want. I won’t ever be able to do that.”

He took the spoon out of her hand, set it on the counter and tried to hold her hand. She couldn’t open it to receive his. He held her fist instead.

“Where are you going to go? And, that’s not true,” he said with a hint of bitterness.

Jade had arrived in his life like a lightning bolt striking too close. One moment he was walking down the street with the goal of obtaining coffee, the single thing on his mind, and the next, he saw her sitting on a bench with her headphones on, eyes closed, slow tears trailing down her cheeks. The hair went up on his arms and the back of his neck, and he magnetically walked off the path to her. He sat wordlessly next to her on that bench on 4^th street for exactly 3 minutes and 28 seconds before she opened her ice-blue eyes and looked at him.

“Damn, that’s a good song,” she said, staring back, as if they were long-time friends.

And now here she stood, looking straight into his emerald eyes again, and in the background, he could hear the beginning guitar chords of “Last Goodbye” start to hum out of the speakers. 

“J, that’s not fair! You can’t do that to me,” he said exasperatingly, running his hand through his hair. 

It wasn’t long after she met Sam that the secrets of her abilities started to seep out. Things moving unexpectedly, strange too-perfect coincidences, the flowers on the table that never seemed to wilt. Three months after that chance meeting on the street, she had decided to stop hiding it.  She had stayed the night at Sam’s house after hours of late-night laughter and debates. He had quietly snuck out early for work, careful not to wake her, and left a note on his pillow, 

“Jade, I’m not sure what’s happening…but you’ve tilted my cloud and I don’t want it to be straight ever again. Please stay awhile. Sam.”

The next day, she moved out of her shared loft in the city, and took her one suitcase of belongings to Sam’s. 

—next chapter—

“Delusions of Grandeur”

Summer 1999